View from the Bottom

Well, I found the bottom today. I have been trying to get an inspection sticker on my truck since Monday. Some sensor is "Not Ready." You are allowed one to pass the emissions test and I have two. Finally got the check engine light and the code on Thursday. Spent $160 to get it fixed, but the sensor still doesn't work. Drove it some more today and the check engine light came back on. Same code. Have to get that fixed before they will put a new sticker on the truck because I can't afford a ticket. So I got paid today and all but $20 goes to the apartment. Which means I have $20 for groceries until next Friday when Terri gets paid. Had to get my prescriptions refilled today, too. Guess I will park the truck since I can't put gas in it anyway.

But I got a notice from the bank today in the mail that they want the balance due "to avoid further action." It's a shame. I only have 4 payments left. I talked to my board yesterday since I sent them my notice 2 weeks ago. They want me to continue until the end of December. That's OK, at least I have some income for a couple more weeks. But I have been contacting people about jobs for 3 months, filling out applications, sending resumes, doing face-to-face visits. Some people I know who told me "I'll call you back." Days turned into weeks turned into months. No call. I am really tired of relationships where I am always the one to initiate contact. The other day I left a resume and a note with someone who knows me and the kind of work I do. Still nothing. I am getting used to nothing, which I guess is what its like at the bottom.

I haven't applied at Wal-Mart yet but I guess that's the next step. Actually, Buckees is close so I wouldn't need a vehicle. OR Randall's. Its amazing how far one can fall before hitting the bottom. I look to the future and I am really close to a lot of my bad financial stuff being done. Loans paid off, bankruptcy going off of my credit report, etc. I just can't seem to get there. So I will get used to being a bottom dweller some how.

I started this blog to help me process some of this but I am done processing. Don't tell me there is some lesson I am supposed to be learning because I am done learning lessons. Don't call and ask what I need. I need a job. Don't ask about Christmas. In order to join the festivities, you must be a consumer. To be a consumer, you must have money. So my consuming days are done for now. Maybe someday I can join the rest of you as a consumer. But for now, I quit.

That's the news from the bottom. Don't get upset if I don't update this for awhile. Probably getting rid of Comcast the next time the bill comes due. Oh well.